Probation Termination Notice
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: July 5th, 2010
It is a beautiful, warm, disgustingly humid day. Thick globs of sweat drip down the foreheads and collars of wandering pedestrians, and a murky haze blocks the mountains beyond the gray city streets.
Dear Mr. Rogers,
I, meanwhile, am inside eating cherries with the air conditioning turned up.
Due to your recent increased activity and adherence to Blogger’s new regulations, we are pleased to inform you that your blog has been released from Probation to High Alert status.
I take a walk up to the hills, where welcoming green trees block the scorching sunlight and a long-awaited breeze cools my damp skin. The city disappears into the haze as if forever, though I know beyond the metallic computer factories and bloated suburban shopping centers lie open rice fields and the great southern mountains.
Your increased attention to the User Guidelines has lead to a rise in high-quality entries on your blog, and we are pleased with your recent augmentation of output.
Above all, I do all of it without an iota of guilt.
We hope you see the lifting of your probation as an opportunity to further increase the quality of your entries so as to provide an even greater resource for readers within the Blogger community.
Back inside, I nonchalantly scroll through my e-mail, deleting the inevitable offers for cheap pharmaceuticals and wire transfer swindles. When they’re gone I pay them no mind.
Keep in mind, however, that as your account is still on High Alert status, your entries will continue to be monitored by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team for further infractions.
There is also an official announcement of some sort, but I hurriedly glance over that and trash it too.
Users should be aware that a second downgrade to Probation status will result in a longer Probationary period with stricter restrictions on which content they will be allowed to upload.
When I write, it is with new vigor, removed from limitations and secure in what freedom I’ve won. I’ll get the rest someday.
For further explanation of extended Probationary periods, see Publication PRO-7329G on the Quality Control website.
This isn’t a perfect world. If I could change the rules, I would, but I can’t.
We appreciate your continued utilization of the Blogger network, and thank you in advance for your cooperation. The support of bloggers like you is what makes our community so successful.
After all, the things we want don’t come easily.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
If they did, life wouldn’t be any fun.
Showing posts with label Corporate Takeover. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Corporate Takeover. Show all posts
Monday, July 5, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Uniforms
Order is achieved by imposing justifiable restrictions on the masses. Restrictions are utilized to provide profit and security to the strong. When people’s individuality is inhibited by order, they can either submit or rebel. Submitting is not a consideration of this writer. Instead, loopholes have been incorporated to create genuinely high-quality content.
I don’t think anyone from the company is reading this. If there was any doubt, I wouldn’t have written that last sentence. I think I’m on probation because a computer program scanned my links for advertisements and a low-paid entry-level worker found a trace of nipple in my Nagoya picture after scrolling through the thousands of images uploaded that day. I also think my “Output” entry was censored because I was stupid enough to mention a certain corporation by name. Links, word counts, and vocabulary are all things they can catch. There’s no program to scan for opinions.
I came to these conclusions after realizing that no sentient being would have allowed my last entry to slip by unmolested. I also realized that beyond sending me those official-sounding e-mails or deleting my blog, there’s not a whole lot that they can do to punish me. If they send e-mails, I can ignore them. If they delete my blog, I can go somewhere else. Maybe another site would be better than this one, but for now I like this blog and want to stay.
It’s like my student’s story about the high school whose strict dress codes were enforced exactly once a year. On the previously announced inspection day, the teachers would pull out their rulers to check whether each girls skirt was long enough, each boy wore the required jacket lining, and whether all of their buttons, belt buckles, shoelaces, and hair colors were in accordance with the densely-worded rules the school had enacted to better their own reputation. The students would put on their best uniforms, trim their hair, and remove their earrings for inspection, and the teachers would file their paperwork indicating that every student had met the dress code standard. The next day, the students went back to hiking up their skirts and unbuttoning their collars, and the teachers went back to doing real work. And no one ever got called out.
Maybe that’s what surviving in this world is all about. The notoriously well-behaved Japanese schoolkids knew which rules they could ignore, but possessed enough sense not to go around smashing windows or shooting heroin in the bathroom stalls. As clever beings with rational minds, we have the power to skirt an inflexible system whose sheer complexity and methodical inhumanity are its biggest weaknesses. I know how the game works now, and I won’t make the same mistakes again. I also know their computers can’t catch Samuel Beckett references: I must go on. I can’t go on. I’ll go on. Laugh outloud.
I don’t think anyone from the company is reading this. If there was any doubt, I wouldn’t have written that last sentence. I think I’m on probation because a computer program scanned my links for advertisements and a low-paid entry-level worker found a trace of nipple in my Nagoya picture after scrolling through the thousands of images uploaded that day. I also think my “Output” entry was censored because I was stupid enough to mention a certain corporation by name. Links, word counts, and vocabulary are all things they can catch. There’s no program to scan for opinions.
I came to these conclusions after realizing that no sentient being would have allowed my last entry to slip by unmolested. I also realized that beyond sending me those official-sounding e-mails or deleting my blog, there’s not a whole lot that they can do to punish me. If they send e-mails, I can ignore them. If they delete my blog, I can go somewhere else. Maybe another site would be better than this one, but for now I like this blog and want to stay.
It’s like my student’s story about the high school whose strict dress codes were enforced exactly once a year. On the previously announced inspection day, the teachers would pull out their rulers to check whether each girls skirt was long enough, each boy wore the required jacket lining, and whether all of their buttons, belt buckles, shoelaces, and hair colors were in accordance with the densely-worded rules the school had enacted to better their own reputation. The students would put on their best uniforms, trim their hair, and remove their earrings for inspection, and the teachers would file their paperwork indicating that every student had met the dress code standard. The next day, the students went back to hiking up their skirts and unbuttoning their collars, and the teachers went back to doing real work. And no one ever got called out.
Maybe that’s what surviving in this world is all about. The notoriously well-behaved Japanese schoolkids knew which rules they could ignore, but possessed enough sense not to go around smashing windows or shooting heroin in the bathroom stalls. As clever beings with rational minds, we have the power to skirt an inflexible system whose sheer complexity and methodical inhumanity are its biggest weaknesses. I know how the game works now, and I won’t make the same mistakes again. I also know their computers can’t catch Samuel Beckett references: I must go on. I can’t go on. I’ll go on. Laugh outloud.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Loophole
I got an idea last night while lying in bed worrying about my various problems. This entry may never see the light of day for reasons that will soon become obvious, but just the prospect that it might fills me with hopeful glee as I run to the keyboard not with my usual dread, but with the same exhilaration I get when I’ve solved a difficult adventure game puzzle while far from the computer and must churn the solution over mentally until I can see it to fruition. My last few entries, distorted as they were, went unmolested by my superiors because I technically didn’t break any rules. Therefore, I should be able to produce this bit of nonsense and earn some freedom with my remaining 427 words. Feel free to skim lightly:
Advancement of categorical inherent qualities is merited by an excess of contemporary achievement. The goal of exhibiting high-quality consideration must be incorporated. Utilization of appropriate capacities is necessitated by mass standardization. The situation is rectified by careful fragmentation of the original usage. Countering commensurate commitments is candidly captivated covering chaste chicanery.
I’ve randomly assembled these fifty-one words together to fulfill both the passive voice requirement and the five sentences necessary for a full paragraph. I’ve used (perhaps “utilized” is more appropriate?) more than the minimum eight words from the required vocabulary list. The content is irrelevant, but there are no rules about content. So, as long as I don’t use any emoticons in the rest of this entry, I’ve technically done everything I needed to do. (The above picture also has no bearing on anything, and is just a screen cap Mike and I took from Microsoft Golf.)
I used to think that one could create beauty out of restriction and order, and though it may be possible for some, I’m not that talented, and lack the willingness to conform. There are also some restrictions that are near impossible to work around. For instance, I challenge anyone to coherently discuss a current event with only the following seven words: inopportune, six, assimilate, tungsten, magic, derogatory, paper. You can’t do it, can you? You could probably use an artistic flourish to turn them into an interesting poem, but I doubt you’d get much farther.
I realize my example is ridiculous, but there really are some things that not even the most talented of artists can make beautiful. More realistic guidelines can yield more positive results. Oliver Goldsmith wrote The Vicar of Wakefield (I mention this as a citation, not a reference) solely for money, using a familiar plot and style of the time. His restrictions were fairly loose, and the result was an entertaining and well-written novel. Sometimes you can deliver a final product in accordance with the rules, and sometimes you have to skip deftly through the loopholes to achieve your own ends. Like now.
Advancement of categorical inherent qualities is merited by an excess of contemporary achievement. The goal of exhibiting high-quality consideration must be incorporated. Utilization of appropriate capacities is necessitated by mass standardization. The situation is rectified by careful fragmentation of the original usage. Countering commensurate commitments is candidly captivated covering chaste chicanery.
I’ve randomly assembled these fifty-one words together to fulfill both the passive voice requirement and the five sentences necessary for a full paragraph. I’ve used (perhaps “utilized” is more appropriate?) more than the minimum eight words from the required vocabulary list. The content is irrelevant, but there are no rules about content. So, as long as I don’t use any emoticons in the rest of this entry, I’ve technically done everything I needed to do. (The above picture also has no bearing on anything, and is just a screen cap Mike and I took from Microsoft Golf.)
I used to think that one could create beauty out of restriction and order, and though it may be possible for some, I’m not that talented, and lack the willingness to conform. There are also some restrictions that are near impossible to work around. For instance, I challenge anyone to coherently discuss a current event with only the following seven words: inopportune, six, assimilate, tungsten, magic, derogatory, paper. You can’t do it, can you? You could probably use an artistic flourish to turn them into an interesting poem, but I doubt you’d get much farther.
I realize my example is ridiculous, but there really are some things that not even the most talented of artists can make beautiful. More realistic guidelines can yield more positive results. Oliver Goldsmith wrote The Vicar of Wakefield (I mention this as a citation, not a reference) solely for money, using a familiar plot and style of the time. His restrictions were fairly loose, and the result was an entertaining and well-written novel. Sometimes you can deliver a final product in accordance with the rules, and sometimes you have to skip deftly through the loopholes to achieve your own ends. Like now.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Paranoia
Egregious feelings of overwhelming dread and moroseness are experienced by me as I lay in bed attempting to achieve vertical stature but lacking the capacity, for today is Monday and the awareness of my deadline looms over me like a choking sickness. Strange hoarseness of breath is exhibited when I go online knowing that some vicious notification of chastisement and ridicule awaits me. I break into cold sweats as I scramble through conflicting rules, categorically quadruple-checking every line for accidental transgressions that threaten my well-being. But that’s all in a day’s work. I write in a blog.
My enemy is negatively possessed of the capability of being seen by me. It cannot be clearly imagined, and shifts seamlessly into disguises I swat at but can never catch. It controls all, and cannot be argued with, bargained with, or reasoned with. (Any similarity this sentence may bear to any film, literary, television, or other such quotation is purely coincidental.) My tracks have to be covered well. If the knowledge of how to counteract its tactics was possessed by me, I’d utilize it.
No rules were meant to be broken. The knowledge that the link was prohibited was not possessed by me, for I didn’t understand what they wanted. (If you’d really cared about doing a good job, you’d have read the rules thoroughly.) I was the recipient of confusion. (That doesn’t matter. It’s not your job to question the rules—it’s your job to follow them.)
Long ago, the foremost goal previously assembled by me was to write well. But there is this fear justified now by me (one that I’m certain was never there before, though maybe I always just ignored it) that this objective has been obscured behind lines of endless regulations whose sole purpose is to ensnare me. No—it’s more than that. Malice is not their primary consideration. It is some twisted, categorical attempt to mold perfection out of routine and order, as if creativity could be pounded out on an assembly line and innovation sold wholesale.
Creativity was previously possessed by me. Ideas necessitating to be utilized for allotment among the masses was a primary consideration of mine. (I just wanted to do a good job on this blog.) Contradiction is inherent in the juxtaposition of these two differentiating apperceptions. I am tied variously by loyalty and self-expression, and one of them has to go. (I could quit, but I don’t want to.) So, instead, my opinions are checked by me at the door. (You have to. It’s your job.) It would be done so that I might continue manufacturing these entries, though the burden of the rules combines with the constant hounding for more output, more words, more vocabulary, and more money. (I hear those words in my sleep; a casualty of overwork. Speaking of which, I mustn’t forget the final obligation.) Itterasshai.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Goals
June Status Update from Blogger
From: achievement@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: June 16, 2010
Dear Blogger User,
It’s been another great month for Blogger! Your hard work and high-quality entries have made the site better than ever, and an increase in reader traffic is a clear indication of this result. Since we enacted the new User Guidelines, more and more readers have been turning to Blogger as their source of information, news, and opinions packaged in a concise, professional, easy-to read format.
Consider the numbers for May. Compared with April, site traffic increased 27.59%, with repeated blog viewings increasing an average of 43.62%. This has brought about an increase in ad revenue of over 63.2%, with the Advertising Department working harder than ever to achieve our goal of a 150% increase in advertising. Our ultimate goal is to become more popular than Google, and together we can do it!
Finally, the Quality Control Team would like to remind you to be brief in your sign-offs. The User Guidelines specifically require a one or two-word sign-off message to close out every blog as a way of making your readers comfortable. Surveying indicates that readers feel more personally connected to a blog where a familiar goodbye message awaits them at the end of every entry. However, a sign-off longer than two words is not only prohibited under the Guidelines, but also wastes valuable space that could otherwise be utilized for establishing more high-quality content, right?
We’re looking forward to another great month in June. Let’s all work hard to achieve our financial goals!
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Financial Management and Achievement Team
From: achievement@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: June 16, 2010
Dear Blogger User,
It’s been another great month for Blogger! Your hard work and high-quality entries have made the site better than ever, and an increase in reader traffic is a clear indication of this result. Since we enacted the new User Guidelines, more and more readers have been turning to Blogger as their source of information, news, and opinions packaged in a concise, professional, easy-to read format.
Consider the numbers for May. Compared with April, site traffic increased 27.59%, with repeated blog viewings increasing an average of 43.62%. This has brought about an increase in ad revenue of over 63.2%, with the Advertising Department working harder than ever to achieve our goal of a 150% increase in advertising. Our ultimate goal is to become more popular than Google, and together we can do it!
Finally, the Quality Control Team would like to remind you to be brief in your sign-offs. The User Guidelines specifically require a one or two-word sign-off message to close out every blog as a way of making your readers comfortable. Surveying indicates that readers feel more personally connected to a blog where a familiar goodbye message awaits them at the end of every entry. However, a sign-off longer than two words is not only prohibited under the Guidelines, but also wastes valuable space that could otherwise be utilized for establishing more high-quality content, right?
We’re looking forward to another great month in June. Let’s all work hard to achieve our financial goals!
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Financial Management and Achievement Team
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Various Pieces and Patterns of Motion Involved in Shogi
Japanese chess, or shogi, is a game necessitating multitudinous skill and consideration. It was discovered by me through conversations with various Japanese people, and though the majority of those spoken to professed some familiarity with the game, it appears to be played only by middle school students and the elderly. I recently acquired a cheap set on an excursion to Tokyu Hands, which is located in Shinjuku. (If I had the space, I’d write more details about that day because I really want this to be a good entry. I’ll try hard to make it so.)
Shogi is played on a nine by nine board, with some pieces maintaining similarity to Western chess pieces, and others bearing little resemblance. As a paragon, each player possesses nine pawns (would the Japanese name, fu, be more appropriate?) possessing the sole capacity of forward motion. The variance lies in the capturing of opponent’s pieces, an action which must be enacted by moving forward instead of on the diagonal plane. (Did my last parenthetical clause count as a sentence? Scrolling through dense rules attempting to find out leaves me more confused than before.)
One bishop and one rook are possessed by each player, though no piece resembling the queen has been incorporated into the game. Two knights are prohibited from moving backward, and progress forward in their customary pattern. Consequently, a player’s attacking power is inhibited by the number of pieces solely possessing short-range kinetic means. (That parenthetical half-sentence worries me. Does it break the rules? Will I be caught and subject to berating and revision by unseen hands?) These other pieces, though initially a confusing exhibition, require further explanation so that their function may be understood by the novice player.
One such piece, the lance, is placed along both edges and can only be propelled directly forward. (I have only 171 words left, and fear I will be unable to properly sort them into two five-sentence paragraphs with enough room for a final sign-off.) Initially flanking the king—whose locomotive patterns are identical in both versions—are two gold generals which move one space in any direction with the exception of backward diagonally. Two silver generals (I have a headache, but it’s nearly 7:04 and I must make my deadline) are utilized for backward diagonal defense. However, they lack the sideways motion necessary for expeditious flux along the back lines.
This combination of (I could revise and write this well—including all the number-crunching—if only I had more time) limited mobility achieves (It’s my own fault. I should have finished this yesterday instead of Skyping with Kyle and climbing Mt. Atago in the cool evening breeze. Work always comes first) a uniquely tight game (Taking those silly pictures took time too. I needed that visual) quite unlike the (I just want to be done) distant strategizing of Western chess. Itterasshai.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Bats
Some nights I sit on my balcony and watch the bats fluttering over the rooftops. (Or, rather; some nights the bats are the recipient of observation by me, a goal achieved by the utilization of my balcony. I’m not quite sure which anymore.) I used to think they were late-flying birds swooping across the twilight horizon until I took a closer look, for their wing patterns and dark outlines are different; more menacing. As summer rolls in they become more and more of a companion to my free evenings.
I want very badly to write an extra word in the title of this entry, but cannot. It is an ordinary word that people utilize everyday (more common than some of the other language that has infested my writing lately), but pairing it with the subject of the previous paragraph would cause swift, invisible retaliation for reasons I’m not sure I’m allowed to explain. These words evoke my panicked mindset as I skim fretfully over sudden changes brought down while I’ve been away, or as I lose my breath in a dry panic at the e-mails darkening my Inbox with their professional grade-headers and polite bearings of chastisement and derision. But I can’t justify incorporating those two words into this entry. I’ve been told they don’t belong.
There are, of course, certain deadlines that have to be adhered to by me. It becomes more difficult to count paragraphs, sentences, words, vernacular, and bizarre shifts in narrative voice. I want very badly to talk about the bats but am not sure I can effectively do so in the space provided. There are other restrictions too that everyone else (I’m told) cheerfully follows with a carefree smile. Some even relish the challenge of forming newer, more creative ideas out of these restrictions. If I were a better writer, I could relish the challenge too, and express myself regardless of my circumstances. If I were a better writer.
When I think about giving up (which is often) I reflect instead on the glaring weaknesses that are so sternly pointed out to me, and want to overcome them. This is preferable to shutting down, going through the motions, and posting worthless drivel just to get the job done. (I wonder how many people resort to such just to finish their entries with that neat, orderly presentation that is so prized around here.) But this is my blog. I love it, and I can’t allow it to sink into standardized mediocrity.
In short, I feel driven. I am compelled to save this blog, to do the best I can, and to escape my horrendously inhibited predicament. I must forge through the murky gloom into which I’ve been enveloped. (Here I’d like very badly to quote the last lines of a novel by a certain favorite writer of mine. But that wouldn’t be appropriate.) Itterasshai.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Probation
Your Account Has Been Placed on Probation
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: June 4, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 6/4/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
1. All Blogger users are reminded that they are now a part of the Erochikan Corporation, and must refrain from posting any opinions that may be considered damaging to Erochikan or its subsidiary companies.
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
LYLTY-A01: User has posted opinions or accusations threatening the reputation and/or methods of the Erochikan Corporation.
ADV-M389: User has linked to a website whose content contains a percentage of advertisements and/or product solicitations in excess of the maximum allowance.
In accordance with Blogger policy, your account has been placed on Probation. Users on Probation are forbidden from editing past entries, posting links of any kind, or making changes to material marked as objectionable by the Quality Control Team. Your blog will also be marked with a warning for readers to proceed with caution. Subsequently, qualified Quality Control Team technicians will be actively screening your entries for oversights that may have been overlooked by our automated scanning software.
Blogs on Probation remain as such indefinitely at the sole discretion of the Erochikan Corporation. Please note that continuing to provide high-quality entries in accordance with the User Guidelines will greatly increase your chances of being downgraded from Probationary status expeditiously.
We hope you see this as an opportunity to more closely observe the User Guidelines.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Re: RE: Your Account Has Been Placed on Probation
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: June 7, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for taking the time to respond to your notice of probation. If we understand you correctly, it seems that you are unclear as to the reasons why your most recent entry was in violation of the User Guidelines. The reasons are as follows:
In order to protect its reputation for quality content, Erochikan encourages all users to refrain from posting negative or overly critical opinions pertaining to Erochikan or Blogger. (Of course, positive comments regarding Erochikan are perfectly acceptable.) To aid users who may have overlooked this policy, the Quality Control Team flags overly-sensitive passages for user revision. This is different from censorship in that each user is completely free to edit or not edit the flagged passages as they see fit. And of course, users deciding independently which thoughts they want to express online is a far cry from involuntary censorship, right?
In your case, users on Probation are not allowed to edit entries flagged by the Quality Control Team, and such entries will remain flagged until the user has reacquired the necessary editing privileges.
As to your second point, the website you linked to was determined to be in excess of the maximum allowance for advertisements and/or product solicitations under guideline ADV-M389. The maximum allowance is calculated by taking the total number of words pertaining to solicited matter divided by the total number of words on the website. (For details about how pictures are tabulated into the word count and how different websites qualify for different solicitation allowances, see the complete guide to ADV-M389 on the Erochikan Quality Control website.)
From the general tone of your e-mails and recent entries, Mr. Rogers, I don’t think you fully understand the seriousness of your situation. The User Guidelines are not negotiable and were not created to limit your freedom of expression, but to help users create the best possible blog entries. It is not your place to disobey them, nor to gamble with so-called “creative endeavors” on a blog that is owned and controlled by the Erochikan Corporation. It is important to ensure the well-being of the parent company, and that is why we utilize methods that are guaranteed
Remember that only by producing high-quality content will your account be taken off Probation. We consider the matter closed, and if you have any other concerns we encourage you to take them up with the Dispute Department.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: June 4, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 6/4/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
1. All Blogger users are reminded that they are now a part of the Erochikan Corporation, and must refrain from posting any opinions that may be considered damaging to Erochikan or its subsidiary companies.
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
LYLTY-A01: User has posted opinions or accusations threatening the reputation and/or methods of the Erochikan Corporation.
ADV-M389: User has linked to a website whose content contains a percentage of advertisements and/or product solicitations in excess of the maximum allowance.
In accordance with Blogger policy, your account has been placed on Probation. Users on Probation are forbidden from editing past entries, posting links of any kind, or making changes to material marked as objectionable by the Quality Control Team. Your blog will also be marked with a warning for readers to proceed with caution. Subsequently, qualified Quality Control Team technicians will be actively screening your entries for oversights that may have been overlooked by our automated scanning software.
Blogs on Probation remain as such indefinitely at the sole discretion of the Erochikan Corporation. Please note that continuing to provide high-quality entries in accordance with the User Guidelines will greatly increase your chances of being downgraded from Probationary status expeditiously.
We hope you see this as an opportunity to more closely observe the User Guidelines.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Re: RE: Your Account Has Been Placed on Probation
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: June 7, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for taking the time to respond to your notice of probation. If we understand you correctly, it seems that you are unclear as to the reasons why your most recent entry was in violation of the User Guidelines. The reasons are as follows:
In order to protect its reputation for quality content, Erochikan encourages all users to refrain from posting negative or overly critical opinions pertaining to Erochikan or Blogger. (Of course, positive comments regarding Erochikan are perfectly acceptable.) To aid users who may have overlooked this policy, the Quality Control Team flags overly-sensitive passages for user revision. This is different from censorship in that each user is completely free to edit or not edit the flagged passages as they see fit. And of course, users deciding independently which thoughts they want to express online is a far cry from involuntary censorship, right?
In your case, users on Probation are not allowed to edit entries flagged by the Quality Control Team, and such entries will remain flagged until the user has reacquired the necessary editing privileges.
As to your second point, the website you linked to was determined to be in excess of the maximum allowance for advertisements and/or product solicitations under guideline ADV-M389. The maximum allowance is calculated by taking the total number of words pertaining to solicited matter divided by the total number of words on the website. (For details about how pictures are tabulated into the word count and how different websites qualify for different solicitation allowances, see the complete guide to ADV-M389 on the Erochikan Quality Control website.)
From the general tone of your e-mails and recent entries, Mr. Rogers, I don’t think you fully understand the seriousness of your situation. The User Guidelines are not negotiable and were not created to limit your freedom of expression, but to help users create the best possible blog entries. It is not your place to disobey them, nor to gamble with so-called “creative endeavors” on a blog that is owned and controlled by the Erochikan Corporation. It is important to ensure the well-being of the parent company, and that is why we utilize methods that are guaranteed
Remember that only by producing high-quality content will your account be taken off Probation. We consider the matter closed, and if you have any other concerns we encourage you to take them up with the Dispute Department.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Output
I haven’t felt much like writing lately. On the one hand, I’ve been inhibited by the flash rainstorm that drenched my modem through the opened window, leaving me bouncing between customer service lines battling to see who could transfer me to another department the fastest. I of course pleaded ignorance as to the source of the problem, and feigned confusion while the NTT repairmen tested connections with his large diode-covered box. He smiled delightedly when he plugged in the new modem and found the connection rectified, and I saw him off with many thanks. That’s one reason.
The other reason merits further consideration. When Blogger was first acquired by the Erochikan Corporation, I wasn’t worried at all and ignored the news just like everyone else. But now I’ve noticed that [The following opinion is solely that of the writer, and does not necessarily represent a truthful or substantiated view of the topic under discussion. In the interest of providing the fullest treatment possible, certain passages have been flagged for removal and are currently undergoing revision. We appreciate your patience. Please check back soon for an updated, higher-quality version.] providing the reader a higher-quality entry really [This passage is undergoing revision] standardized narrative voices are a clear sign of [This passage is undergoing revision] utilizing [This passage is undergoing revision] that put an end to [This passage is undergoing revision] low-quality [This passage is undergoing revision] independent thought.
Also, the gratuitous thank-you’s in their e-mails [This passage is undergoing revision] they’ve selected a list of business words that [This passage is undergoing revision] I think [This passage is undergoing revision] categorically [This passage is undergoing revision] do the Internet a lot of good.
But yet I’m compelled to keep writing because if I don’t [This passage is undergoing revision] producing a lot of entries [This passage is undergoing revision] I’ve never been worried about the number of visitors here chiefly because [This passage is undergoing revision] and I think people read this blog [This passage is undergoing revision] Honestly though, I know that I’m much stronger than [This passage is undergoing revision] and can beat them if a clear head and strong convictions are adhered to.
Other than that, I recently assembled a few new entry labels, because my Japan tag was getting far too ubiquitous to be of any use. I’ve also been (for the two people still interested) making a lot of progress on the second draft of the Carcrash Parker script, and am nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. I may be posting more about that in next month, and will be on the lookout for anyone willing to give it a readthrough. Finally, last month when I linked to some fellow gaijin blogs, I completely forgot about my friend Jessie, who came over here for graduate school back in January. Under the heading of Lady Lara Jones, her blog has an overwhelming amount of info on Japanese pop culture, video games, and cosplay, as well as her personal experiences, so I encourage everyone to click [The following link leads to an nonsecure website. It has been blocked by the Erochikan Quality Control Team and the blogger issued a warning]. Itterasshai.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Content Generation
Blogger Post Frequency Announcement
From: content_generation@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 27, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you again for all of your hard work and devotion to Erochikan’s Blogger network. We realize that keeping up the challenge of producing high-quality blog entries is not an easy one, and we want you to know that we appreciate your efforts. Thanks to you, readers across the world can enjoy all the interesting factoids and opinions that Blogger users share every day, and the advertisements placed within your posts and catered to readers’ needs continue to bring in the valuable revenue that keeps Blogger profitable.
We’ve noticed that your posting frequency is not as high as that of some of our more prolific bloggers, and that your post frequency is one or fewer times per week. Blogger’s new obligatory posting times were created to ensure a constant flow of content for all readers, and by posting fewer entries, you’re depriving readers of the high-quality information they’ve come to expect from Blogger.
We hope that you see this as an opportunity to increase the quantity, in addition to the quality of your entries, with the goal of making the Blogger community more fulfilling for everyone. We appreciate your efforts, and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Content Generation Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Re: RE: Blogger Post Frequency Announcement
From: content_generation@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 31, 2010
Dear Mr. Rodgers,
Thank you for taking the time to read through and respond to our previous e-mail regarding your recent number of blog entries. We are sorry to hear about the mishap with your modem, and hope that you are soon able to procure a replacement. We understand that your recent lack of internet has made it more difficult for you to continue posting, and we are sympathetic toward your predicament.
We suggest, however, that you do not let these temporary difficulties stand in your way. There are any number of other methods that someone in your position can utilize in order to obtain internet access. Have you thought about visiting a library, internet café, or computer center from which you could post your blog entries? Or how about borrowing a friend’s computer with internet access? Many of our bloggers also find it convenient to post using their workplace computers. A rainwater-soaked modem is no excuse; for the resilient blogger will always find a way to reach his or her audience. Besides, you’d hate to deprive your readers of the content that they’ve come to expect from “A Wave of the Hand,” right?
We’ve also noticed that your account is currently on High Alert status, and is being monitored by Erochikan’s Quality Control Team. Considering the circumstances, we’ve had them freeze your sentence at the date of your last recorded entry. Your sixty days will continue counting down when you begin posting again. We hope that this will provide you with more incentive to resume writing.
Thank you for taking the time to explain your circumstances, and we look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Content Generation Team
From: content_generation@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 27, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you again for all of your hard work and devotion to Erochikan’s Blogger network. We realize that keeping up the challenge of producing high-quality blog entries is not an easy one, and we want you to know that we appreciate your efforts. Thanks to you, readers across the world can enjoy all the interesting factoids and opinions that Blogger users share every day, and the advertisements placed within your posts and catered to readers’ needs continue to bring in the valuable revenue that keeps Blogger profitable.
We’ve noticed that your posting frequency is not as high as that of some of our more prolific bloggers, and that your post frequency is one or fewer times per week. Blogger’s new obligatory posting times were created to ensure a constant flow of content for all readers, and by posting fewer entries, you’re depriving readers of the high-quality information they’ve come to expect from Blogger.
We hope that you see this as an opportunity to increase the quantity, in addition to the quality of your entries, with the goal of making the Blogger community more fulfilling for everyone. We appreciate your efforts, and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Content Generation Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Re: RE: Blogger Post Frequency Announcement
From: content_generation@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 31, 2010
Dear Mr. Rodgers,
Thank you for taking the time to read through and respond to our previous e-mail regarding your recent number of blog entries. We are sorry to hear about the mishap with your modem, and hope that you are soon able to procure a replacement. We understand that your recent lack of internet has made it more difficult for you to continue posting, and we are sympathetic toward your predicament.
We suggest, however, that you do not let these temporary difficulties stand in your way. There are any number of other methods that someone in your position can utilize in order to obtain internet access. Have you thought about visiting a library, internet café, or computer center from which you could post your blog entries? Or how about borrowing a friend’s computer with internet access? Many of our bloggers also find it convenient to post using their workplace computers. A rainwater-soaked modem is no excuse; for the resilient blogger will always find a way to reach his or her audience. Besides, you’d hate to deprive your readers of the content that they’ve come to expect from “A Wave of the Hand,” right?
We’ve also noticed that your account is currently on High Alert status, and is being monitored by Erochikan’s Quality Control Team. Considering the circumstances, we’ve had them freeze your sentence at the date of your last recorded entry. Your sixty days will continue counting down when you begin posting again. We hope that this will provide you with more incentive to resume writing.
Thank you for taking the time to explain your circumstances, and we look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Content Generation Team
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thin Ice
Blogger Guidelines Initial Violation
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 10, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/10/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
PRN-A2679: User has uploaded and linked to one or more photographs incorporating animated images of partial nudity.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. As our records indicate that this is your first violation, you have been issued a warning that will remain on your account for sixty days starting from the date of the initial violation. If three violations are accumulated within the validity period of the initial warning, your account will be put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blogger Guidelines Second Violation and High Alert Notification
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 14, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/14/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
ADV-F2894: User has hyperlinked to a website known or suspected to include advertisements or links leading to subsequent websites utilizing indirect coercion methods to entice readers into purchasing one or more products.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. Our records indicate that this is your second violation, which means that your account has been placed on High Alert Status. Your account will remain on High Alert for ninety days starting from the date of the initial violation. Any further violations will result in your account being put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
We strongly recommend that you make an effort to comply with Erochikan’s User Guidelines, which have been enacted for the benefit of you and your readers.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 10, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/10/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
PRN-A2679: User has uploaded and linked to one or more photographs incorporating animated images of partial nudity.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. As our records indicate that this is your first violation, you have been issued a warning that will remain on your account for sixty days starting from the date of the initial violation. If three violations are accumulated within the validity period of the initial warning, your account will be put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blogger Guidelines Second Violation and High Alert Notification
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 14, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/14/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
ADV-F2894: User has hyperlinked to a website known or suspected to include advertisements or links leading to subsequent websites utilizing indirect coercion methods to entice readers into purchasing one or more products.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. Our records indicate that this is your second violation, which means that your account has been placed on High Alert Status. Your account will remain on High Alert for ninety days starting from the date of the initial violation. Any further violations will result in your account being put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
We strongly recommend that you make an effort to comply with Erochikan’s User Guidelines, which have been enacted for the benefit of you and your readers.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sumo
Sumo was observed by us this past weekend at a large stadium in Tokyo filled to maximum capacity. If you’ve never seen Japanese sumo wrestling, don’t feel bad, since most Japanese people haven’t either. Like many of the country’s traditional arts, sumo has been relegated to a kind of novelty status outside people’s everyday life. That didn’t make me any less inclined to see it, however.
Sumo is held every few months in different parts of the country during massive daylong tournaments with dozens of matches. Each match lasts anywhere between ten seconds and three minutes, though the bulk of the time is spent in elaborate psych-out ceremonies before each match. An elaborate routine of shifting their weight to one foot, throwing salt into the ring for purification, bending down, and staring into each other’s eyes is adhered to by the wrestlers (see top photo), and the match begins when both feel ready. This loose system of commencement ran afoul several times when one wrestler flew forward before his opponent was ready, and both immediately stepped back for several more minutes of psych out time.
The rules of sumo are simple. Unlike wrestling or boxing, there are no weight classes; instead, wrestlers are divided up by skill level. (My friends were not interested in watching ten hours of sumo, so we arrived only for the top matches in the last two hours.) After the aforementioned psych-out period, the actual match finally begins as the wrestlers struggle to either a)knock the other down, or a)shove the other out of the ring. Both methods were utilized for victory by numerous wrestlers. The winner received something I couldn’t see from the upper seats, and suddenly the next two wrestlers were in the ring psyching themselves up again.
Undoubtedly the funniest thing observed by me was the incorporation of advertising into a tournament otherwise made out to be traditionally Japanese. Every few matches (more often as completion was neared) a line of men carrying advertising banners would climb the steps into the ring and exhibit their wares for the consideration of the audience. Most of the ads were written in Japanese, but one of them featured a very modern-looking McDonalds logo. Hardly contemporary to Edo Japan, but justifiable considering those advertising slots probably cost a lot of money.
A good time was certainly had by all on this outing. I wish I’d gotten to take more photos (which would probably give me more to talk about in this blog entry), but most of my match photos didn’t come out well and my photos of wrestlers outside the arena were pretty lame. I would like to have researched this entry more thoroughly, but I needed to finish it before my deadline. With my limited knowledge, it’s kind of hard to think of things to say about sumo. I definitely recommend it though. Itterasshai.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Sleight of Hand
Though this blog exhibits little political commentary, manipulation of language in the media is an issue felt strongly about by me. It is said that writers (myself included) have the capacity for twisting language to express their points; and it is essential that the general public be aware of how they’re being coerced to believe one truth over another. With that goal in mind, we may better incorporate more high-quality verisimilitude. This is the fourth sentence of the first paragraph.
A particularly blatant instance was observed by me in David Frum’s article Wall Street Didn’t Cause Crash of ’08. I suggest this be given at least a light skimming before proceeding further. (Pauses in hopes that readers are actually inclined to read the article, even though they probably won’t.) I won’t discuss Frum’s main point; I’m interested in how he provokes the reader to accept his own hypothesis over other theories explaining the crash.
Scroll down to the fourth paragraph. (Pauses again with the objective that this will actually be done by the reader.) Here, Frum addresses a common explanation for excessive American debt before the crash:
He opens with the phrase: “Some like to tell a story;” which strongly implies both the uncertainty and incredulity of what follows. This explanation thus becomes a kind of mythic folklore lacking legitimate grounds. And Frum goes on to use goofy, exaggerated language that distances the reader from that very legend. “Flat-screen doodad” evokes a ridiculous, wasteful image of the modern technology enjoyed by millions of Americans, while “McMansions” creates a cartoonish, materialistic view of middle-class suburbs. “Yuppie” is another loaded word used chiefly to portray Americans as greedy; and as if this weren’t negative enough, Frum intensifies it by utilizing “self-involved” as a modifier. All this hyperbole in a single sentence; and nothing in the article comes close to matching it. As if that weren’t enough, he follows by admitting that “Maybe that describes some people.” Thus, he acknowledges that some Americans were irresponsible while simultaneously discouraging the reader from accepting this hypothesis as truth. Now, cut to a thoughtful, easy-to-read, statistic-filled explanation for why the crash really happened, and Frum’s illusion is complete.
It’s silly to adhere to the belief that only one factor caused the ’08 crash. To truly understand it, one must consider hundreds of different phenomena, not blindly accept one bipartisan explanation. Whenever you read—especially news articles—be wary of which facts writers want you to ignore to give their own opinion more credibility. I direct interested readers toward [The following link leads to an nonsecure website. It has been blocked by the Erochikan Quality Control Team and the blogger issued a warning] for more info. I also hope it’s clear that the blockquote is part of paragraph three; otherwise I could be in trouble again. Itterasshai.
A particularly blatant instance was observed by me in David Frum’s article Wall Street Didn’t Cause Crash of ’08. I suggest this be given at least a light skimming before proceeding further. (Pauses in hopes that readers are actually inclined to read the article, even though they probably won’t.) I won’t discuss Frum’s main point; I’m interested in how he provokes the reader to accept his own hypothesis over other theories explaining the crash.
Scroll down to the fourth paragraph. (Pauses again with the objective that this will actually be done by the reader.) Here, Frum addresses a common explanation for excessive American debt before the crash:
Some like to tell a story of irresponsibility: We borrowed too much because we were self-involved yuppies who just could not deny ourselves the latest flat-screen doodad for our McMansions.
He opens with the phrase: “Some like to tell a story;” which strongly implies both the uncertainty and incredulity of what follows. This explanation thus becomes a kind of mythic folklore lacking legitimate grounds. And Frum goes on to use goofy, exaggerated language that distances the reader from that very legend. “Flat-screen doodad” evokes a ridiculous, wasteful image of the modern technology enjoyed by millions of Americans, while “McMansions” creates a cartoonish, materialistic view of middle-class suburbs. “Yuppie” is another loaded word used chiefly to portray Americans as greedy; and as if this weren’t negative enough, Frum intensifies it by utilizing “self-involved” as a modifier. All this hyperbole in a single sentence; and nothing in the article comes close to matching it. As if that weren’t enough, he follows by admitting that “Maybe that describes some people.” Thus, he acknowledges that some Americans were irresponsible while simultaneously discouraging the reader from accepting this hypothesis as truth. Now, cut to a thoughtful, easy-to-read, statistic-filled explanation for why the crash really happened, and Frum’s illusion is complete.
It’s silly to adhere to the belief that only one factor caused the ’08 crash. To truly understand it, one must consider hundreds of different phenomena, not blindly accept one bipartisan explanation. Whenever you read—especially news articles—be wary of which facts writers want you to ignore to give their own opinion more credibility. I direct interested readers toward [The following link leads to an nonsecure website. It has been blocked by the Erochikan Quality Control Team and the blogger issued a warning] for more info. I also hope it’s clear that the blockquote is part of paragraph three; otherwise I could be in trouble again. Itterasshai.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Nagoya
This past Golden Week I headed west to Nagoya with the objective of seeing numerous museums and enjoying myself thoroughly. If you’ve never heard of Nagoya, don’t feel bad. Though it’s Japan’s fourth largest city, it’s not much of a tourist destination. There’s nothing special about the city really; its capacity for culture is low, and it’s mostly known for its regional foods: misokatsu (fried pork breaded with miso), tebasaki (fried chicken wings), and hitsumabushi (I’m not sure what this is because the line outside the restaurant was too long, and we were unable to achieve entrance).
Nagoya, however, is widely known as the birthplace of the Toyota Corporation. The company was started as a producer of high-quality looms and many cars are now manufactured by it. I took a shiny new commuter train out to the sun-bleached suburbs to see the Toyota Automobile Museum, which incorporates Japanese, American, European cars into its exhibitions. Most of the Japanese cars exhibited were post-WWII, as most of the pre-war cars were scrapped due to wartime metal shortages. One of the few pre-war Japanese cars at the museum, a Toyota model utilized by top military commanders, is pictured above.
The way in which people were dressed was observed by me to be the biggest difference between Nagoya and other parts of Japan. Whereas Yamanashi’s fashion-conscious population is inclined to dress mainly in darker, subtle tones; and fashions of all kinds abound in Tokyo and Osaka; Nagoya fashion was commensurate mainly to American teenage Hot Topic style. Poor English could naturally be seen on these shirts. Everyone wore those ridiculous white shirts with black script that I abhor, and bright colors mixed with subdued ones. And of course, there were the Crocs. Hundreds and hundreds of Crocs.
The utter stupidity of American hyper-consumerist fashion seems to have been embraced wholeheartedly by Nagoya. The fashion gave the city a very suburban feel (hip-hop looks were also embraced by many, including some infant children), and brought back unpleasant memories of American shopping malls. I wanted to tell all of them to diversify, but instead I saw them as an interesting curiosity. I also saw more tattoo parlors in Nagoya than I have anywhere else in Japan, and many people boldly displayed their arm and back tattoos in public; a very Western thing to do.
This image has been removed by the Erochikan Quality Control Team because of pornographic or otherwise objectionable content and its owner been issued a warning.
That’s not to say Nagoya is like a walk through suburban New Jersey. As the above photo indicates, they have their share of geeky manga cafes and scantily clad women posted outside their pachinko parlors. Outside my men-only capsule hotel I was also assaulted by several employees of girl bars providing suggestive tissue packets to passersby, and the same pink-light strip clubs were also walked hurriedly past by me. Said capsule hotel was also utilized by a transvestite in a blond wig, but that’s a story for another day. Itterasshai.
Nagoya, however, is widely known as the birthplace of the Toyota Corporation. The company was started as a producer of high-quality looms and many cars are now manufactured by it. I took a shiny new commuter train out to the sun-bleached suburbs to see the Toyota Automobile Museum, which incorporates Japanese, American, European cars into its exhibitions. Most of the Japanese cars exhibited were post-WWII, as most of the pre-war cars were scrapped due to wartime metal shortages. One of the few pre-war Japanese cars at the museum, a Toyota model utilized by top military commanders, is pictured above.
The way in which people were dressed was observed by me to be the biggest difference between Nagoya and other parts of Japan. Whereas Yamanashi’s fashion-conscious population is inclined to dress mainly in darker, subtle tones; and fashions of all kinds abound in Tokyo and Osaka; Nagoya fashion was commensurate mainly to American teenage Hot Topic style. Poor English could naturally be seen on these shirts. Everyone wore those ridiculous white shirts with black script that I abhor, and bright colors mixed with subdued ones. And of course, there were the Crocs. Hundreds and hundreds of Crocs.
The utter stupidity of American hyper-consumerist fashion seems to have been embraced wholeheartedly by Nagoya. The fashion gave the city a very suburban feel (hip-hop looks were also embraced by many, including some infant children), and brought back unpleasant memories of American shopping malls. I wanted to tell all of them to diversify, but instead I saw them as an interesting curiosity. I also saw more tattoo parlors in Nagoya than I have anywhere else in Japan, and many people boldly displayed their arm and back tattoos in public; a very Western thing to do.
This image has been removed by the Erochikan Quality Control Team because of pornographic or otherwise objectionable content and its owner been issued a warning.
That’s not to say Nagoya is like a walk through suburban New Jersey. As the above photo indicates, they have their share of geeky manga cafes and scantily clad women posted outside their pachinko parlors. Outside my men-only capsule hotel I was also assaulted by several employees of girl bars providing suggestive tissue packets to passersby, and the same pink-light strip clubs were also walked hurriedly past by me. Said capsule hotel was also utilized by a transvestite in a blond wig, but that’s a story for another day. Itterasshai.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Corporate Takeover
New User Guidelines
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: All Blogger Users
Sent: April 27, 2010
Notice to all Blogger Users,
As most of you already know, Blogger.com was recently acquired by the Erochikan Corporation as part of an exchange with Google. Our company is of course committed to providing the same levels of quality, service, and innovation that users received under the previous administration, and we hope to make this transition as seamless as possible.
One of our goals is to provide internet readers with high-quality blogs delivering a variety of information that users can enjoy at their convenience. In past years, however, Blogger has become a haven for questionable content; including but not limited to:
- Phishing schemes
- Spam advertising
- Pornographic matter
- Narcissistic rants
- Egregious spelling errors
- Fan fiction
Currently, we have employees working round the clock checking individual blogs and categorically deleting those that contain any of the above infractions.
In order to prevent an overrun of objectionable content and to ensure that the quality of blogs remains high, we have taken steps to guide writers in creating the best possible content for the reading public. With this in mind, we have assembled a set of Guidelines to which all Blogger users are to adhere if they wish to retain unrestricted use of their accounts:
1. All Blogger users are reminded that they are now a part of the Erochikan Corporation, and must refrain from posting any opinions that may be considered damaging to Erochikan or its subsidiary companies.
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
4. Use of trademarked characters for the purposes of user-created fiction is prohibited.
5. All users are to abide by the rules of American English grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
6. Users are prohibited from utilizing commonly-used online acronyms, including but not limited to such examples as LOL, TTYL, LMAO, ROFLMAO, etc.
7. All users are expected to create a one- to three- word “sign-off message” (e.g. Farewell, Peace out, Shalom) with which to utilize as a closing to all of their entries.
8. All entries are to be exactly five paragraphs in length. A paragraph is defined as a distinct portion of written matter beginning on a new line and lasting at least four sentences.
9. All blog entries are to contain at least one, but not more than five, pictures; original or acquired from an outside source.
10. Users are forbidden from incorporating obscure references to songs, movies, TV shows, books, or other media content within the titles or bodies of their posts.
11. All entries are to contain at least five sentences written using the passive voice.
12. All users are expected to utilize at least eight of the following words in their posts:
achieve, acquire, adhere, appropriate, assemble, capacity, categorical, commensurate, commit, consideration, contemporary, counter, diversify, express, exhibit (v), goal, high-quality, inclined, incorporate, inhibit, justifiable, justify, objective, provide, recipient, rectify, regarding, standardize, usage, utilize.
13. To ease the onslaught of information during hours of peak Internet usage, all Blogger users have been randomly assigned two weekly posting times, and shall observe these times when posting new entries. Your randomly assigned times are 6:04 AM Monday and 11:47 AM Thursday, Eastern Standard Time.
14. All entries must be exactly 478 words in length.
These Guidelines shall take effect as of your first scheduled posting time after May 1st. After said scheduled posting time, any entry not in accordance with the above regulations will be deleted and the account user given a warning. Repeated warnings will result in account suspension.
We are excited about the positive effects the Guidelines are sure to bring, and look forward to providing more high-quality content for all internet users.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 29, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your e-mail, and we appreciate your taking the time to read through and share with us your opinion regarding the Guidelines. As it appears that you have many concerns, allow me to address them individually.
First, the 478 word count was not at all random, as you imply. Through extensive customer surveys, we’ve discovered that most users grow bored reading lengthy entries and move instead to other websites. Likewise, entries which are too short are commonly described as uninformative or immature. At present, the attention span of the average internet user is 478 words, which our team found more than adequate to develop most topics. If you wish to address a topic which you feel requires more space, consider choosing something simpler that everyone can enjoy. Similarly, the five paragraph rule will help users to better organize their thoughts in a cohesive fashion, instead of using one long, difficult to read paragraph or leaping erratically from one line to the next.
Secondly, both the required vocabulary list and the passive voice requirement were incorporated to aid writers in producing more professional, dignified entries that would appeal to a more sophisticated readership. We want to help users build their vocabularies, and the easiest way to do that is to help bloggers use more advanced words, right?
We also understand your argument that literary and pop culture references can add humor and a personal touch to writing, but we’ve found that these references frustrate some readers. These readers often feel inferior or ignorant when faced with repeated references they don’t understand, and soon move on to more straightforward, no-nonsense blogs. Why go through all the trouble of making an obscure reference when only a select few will understand it?
Repeated surveying has also revealed that readers are more likely to follow a blog with a memorable sign-off logo than one that doesn’t. Since our goal is to attract more readers (which in turn leads to more advertising revenue), we suggest you come up with something catchy.
Finally, contrary to the argument presented in your e-mail, the random posting assignments actually serve a great purpose. By staggering the time at which bloggers post new entries, we’ve ensured that all users will constantly have access to new information even at odd hours or on holidays, making Blogger more convenient for everyone. In fact, you do not even need to worry about this rule because any entries you attempt to post at an alternate time will be delayed until your next scheduled posting time.
Most users have welcomed the new Guidelines, and found that the changes have aided them in producing higher quality work. We know they may seem strict, but we’re sure you’ll find them more conducive to constructing higher-quality blog entries.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Re: RE: Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 30, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you again for taking the time to share your opinion regarding our response. These matters are not under discussion, and we again encourage you to give the Guidelines a try. Frankly, we find your perspective arrogant; for who are you to claim that you know better than our highly-trained, experienced researchers? You are a part of the Erochikan Blogger Corporation now, and we must all learn to work together to achieve the best possible outcome for the company.
We would also like to take this opportunity to thank you again, because your previous e-mail reminded us that adding a ban on profanity to the Regulations List will help make Blogger more enjoyable for younger users and those easily offended by crass language. All users will be receiving an updated version of the Regulations soon.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: All Blogger Users
Sent: April 27, 2010
Notice to all Blogger Users,
As most of you already know, Blogger.com was recently acquired by the Erochikan Corporation as part of an exchange with Google. Our company is of course committed to providing the same levels of quality, service, and innovation that users received under the previous administration, and we hope to make this transition as seamless as possible.
One of our goals is to provide internet readers with high-quality blogs delivering a variety of information that users can enjoy at their convenience. In past years, however, Blogger has become a haven for questionable content; including but not limited to:
- Phishing schemes
- Spam advertising
- Pornographic matter
- Narcissistic rants
- Egregious spelling errors
- Fan fiction
Currently, we have employees working round the clock checking individual blogs and categorically deleting those that contain any of the above infractions.
In order to prevent an overrun of objectionable content and to ensure that the quality of blogs remains high, we have taken steps to guide writers in creating the best possible content for the reading public. With this in mind, we have assembled a set of Guidelines to which all Blogger users are to adhere if they wish to retain unrestricted use of their accounts:
1. All Blogger users are reminded that they are now a part of the Erochikan Corporation, and must refrain from posting any opinions that may be considered damaging to Erochikan or its subsidiary companies.
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
4. Use of trademarked characters for the purposes of user-created fiction is prohibited.
5. All users are to abide by the rules of American English grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
6. Users are prohibited from utilizing commonly-used online acronyms, including but not limited to such examples as LOL, TTYL, LMAO, ROFLMAO, etc.
7. All users are expected to create a one- to three- word “sign-off message” (e.g. Farewell, Peace out, Shalom) with which to utilize as a closing to all of their entries.
8. All entries are to be exactly five paragraphs in length. A paragraph is defined as a distinct portion of written matter beginning on a new line and lasting at least four sentences.
9. All blog entries are to contain at least one, but not more than five, pictures; original or acquired from an outside source.
10. Users are forbidden from incorporating obscure references to songs, movies, TV shows, books, or other media content within the titles or bodies of their posts.
11. All entries are to contain at least five sentences written using the passive voice.
12. All users are expected to utilize at least eight of the following words in their posts:
achieve, acquire, adhere, appropriate, assemble, capacity, categorical, commensurate, commit, consideration, contemporary, counter, diversify, express, exhibit (v), goal, high-quality, inclined, incorporate, inhibit, justifiable, justify, objective, provide, recipient, rectify, regarding, standardize, usage, utilize.
13. To ease the onslaught of information during hours of peak Internet usage, all Blogger users have been randomly assigned two weekly posting times, and shall observe these times when posting new entries. Your randomly assigned times are 6:04 AM Monday and 11:47 AM Thursday, Eastern Standard Time.
14. All entries must be exactly 478 words in length.
These Guidelines shall take effect as of your first scheduled posting time after May 1st. After said scheduled posting time, any entry not in accordance with the above regulations will be deleted and the account user given a warning. Repeated warnings will result in account suspension.
We are excited about the positive effects the Guidelines are sure to bring, and look forward to providing more high-quality content for all internet users.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 29, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your e-mail, and we appreciate your taking the time to read through and share with us your opinion regarding the Guidelines. As it appears that you have many concerns, allow me to address them individually.
First, the 478 word count was not at all random, as you imply. Through extensive customer surveys, we’ve discovered that most users grow bored reading lengthy entries and move instead to other websites. Likewise, entries which are too short are commonly described as uninformative or immature. At present, the attention span of the average internet user is 478 words, which our team found more than adequate to develop most topics. If you wish to address a topic which you feel requires more space, consider choosing something simpler that everyone can enjoy. Similarly, the five paragraph rule will help users to better organize their thoughts in a cohesive fashion, instead of using one long, difficult to read paragraph or leaping erratically from one line to the next.
Secondly, both the required vocabulary list and the passive voice requirement were incorporated to aid writers in producing more professional, dignified entries that would appeal to a more sophisticated readership. We want to help users build their vocabularies, and the easiest way to do that is to help bloggers use more advanced words, right?
We also understand your argument that literary and pop culture references can add humor and a personal touch to writing, but we’ve found that these references frustrate some readers. These readers often feel inferior or ignorant when faced with repeated references they don’t understand, and soon move on to more straightforward, no-nonsense blogs. Why go through all the trouble of making an obscure reference when only a select few will understand it?
Repeated surveying has also revealed that readers are more likely to follow a blog with a memorable sign-off logo than one that doesn’t. Since our goal is to attract more readers (which in turn leads to more advertising revenue), we suggest you come up with something catchy.
Finally, contrary to the argument presented in your e-mail, the random posting assignments actually serve a great purpose. By staggering the time at which bloggers post new entries, we’ve ensured that all users will constantly have access to new information even at odd hours or on holidays, making Blogger more convenient for everyone. In fact, you do not even need to worry about this rule because any entries you attempt to post at an alternate time will be delayed until your next scheduled posting time.
Most users have welcomed the new Guidelines, and found that the changes have aided them in producing higher quality work. We know they may seem strict, but we’re sure you’ll find them more conducive to constructing higher-quality blog entries.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Re: RE: Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 30, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you again for taking the time to share your opinion regarding our response. These matters are not under discussion, and we again encourage you to give the Guidelines a try. Frankly, we find your perspective arrogant; for who are you to claim that you know better than our highly-trained, experienced researchers? You are a part of the Erochikan Blogger Corporation now, and we must all learn to work together to achieve the best possible outcome for the company.
We would also like to take this opportunity to thank you again, because your previous e-mail reminded us that adding a ban on profanity to the Regulations List will help make Blogger more enjoyable for younger users and those easily offended by crass language. All users will be receiving an updated version of the Regulations soon.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
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