Loss

There are occasional moments in life where one comes within an arm’s length of total happiness. You know the ones I mean—times where we cast aside all the pain and anguish and self-doubt that incessantly hounds our ever-disheartening lives and embrace a new reality where we cease to yearn and a blissful future beckons brightly from afar. The emotion is so great that we want to sing, laugh, and giggle uncontrollably in an attempt to share our feelings with the world. Think back right now to a time when you knew true happiness, along with her soulmate love; back to a time when your heart fluttered, your mind was clear, and your every sense was enraptured in the fullness of the moment. That’s what it feels like to be alive.

But sooner or later we always screw it up. Some all too-human sputtering of indecision, selfishness, or thoughtlessness always intervenes, and we lose that which brought us so much happiness. We torment the ones we love—and to what end? To experience that one nanosecond of pride at having control, followed by the inevitable crash, that familiar panic, and the heartbreaking knowledge that we’ve let love slip away. In the quest for emotional fulfillment, we’re our own worst enemy, forced to tread on, regretting the decisions we’ve made, and driven to mind-bending extremes by thoughts of what might have been.

The other day I saw the first season of Kids in the Hall on DVD for ten dollars but did not purchase it.

Will I ever stumble across such a bargain again? Who knows. But one thing’s for sure—we’ll always have the whores.