A Whore by Any Other Name

I hate to shatter anyone's illusions about the Land of the Rising Sun, but not only is prostitution extremely prevalent in Japan, it also goes by really funny names.

The other day I passed a high-priced establishment cutely labeled "Pub" in pink cursive, which a friend (who spoke on condition of anonymity) pointed out was a pink-curtained Japanese club where women pour drinks and flirt with customers. This provoked a descent into the wild Japanese world of Snack Clubs, Girl Bars, and Maid Cafes that cater to men of all ages who share a crippling inability to get laid.

For a quick burst of sexual relief, your average salaryman need go no further than the local Pink Salon (pinkusaron), where girls perform fellatio for around 10,000 yen (about $100). These clubs do oral sex only; if you want to touch, grope, fondle, stroke, or ejaculate on the girls, you should check out your local Health Club (herusucurabu), which are decidedly more hands-on than their Western counterparts. Here, as long as it's not straight vaginal intercourse, a gray area in the Japanese prostitution law says it's okay.

However, the real brothels in Japan are called Soaplands (sopurando) where customers can come inside for a hot bath and some straight-up sex. The name evokes images of suburban outlet stores or some sort of lame Dove theme-park where kids can ride down slides of bubbles. Soaplands stay in business because officially they're just places where men can take a really expensive bath—any other arrangement is between you and the girls. Because naturally, whatever goes on between a man and his highly-paid female bathing masseuse is clearly motivated by love.

There is, of course, a catch: these places don't cater to foreigners. Your average gaijin gets enough tail as it is.