Blogger Post Frequency Announcement
From: content_generation@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 27, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you again for all of your hard work and devotion to Erochikan’s Blogger network. We realize that keeping up the challenge of producing high-quality blog entries is not an easy one, and we want you to know that we appreciate your efforts. Thanks to you, readers across the world can enjoy all the interesting factoids and opinions that Blogger users share every day, and the advertisements placed within your posts and catered to readers’ needs continue to bring in the valuable revenue that keeps Blogger profitable.
We’ve noticed that your posting frequency is not as high as that of some of our more prolific bloggers, and that your post frequency is one or fewer times per week. Blogger’s new obligatory posting times were created to ensure a constant flow of content for all readers, and by posting fewer entries, you’re depriving readers of the high-quality information they’ve come to expect from Blogger.
We hope that you see this as an opportunity to increase the quantity, in addition to the quality of your entries, with the goal of making the Blogger community more fulfilling for everyone. We appreciate your efforts, and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Content Generation Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Re: RE: Blogger Post Frequency Announcement
From: content_generation@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 31, 2010
Dear Mr. Rodgers,
Thank you for taking the time to read through and respond to our previous e-mail regarding your recent number of blog entries. We are sorry to hear about the mishap with your modem, and hope that you are soon able to procure a replacement. We understand that your recent lack of internet has made it more difficult for you to continue posting, and we are sympathetic toward your predicament.
We suggest, however, that you do not let these temporary difficulties stand in your way. There are any number of other methods that someone in your position can utilize in order to obtain internet access. Have you thought about visiting a library, internet café, or computer center from which you could post your blog entries? Or how about borrowing a friend’s computer with internet access? Many of our bloggers also find it convenient to post using their workplace computers. A rainwater-soaked modem is no excuse; for the resilient blogger will always find a way to reach his or her audience. Besides, you’d hate to deprive your readers of the content that they’ve come to expect from “A Wave of the Hand,” right?
We’ve also noticed that your account is currently on High Alert status, and is being monitored by Erochikan’s Quality Control Team. Considering the circumstances, we’ve had them freeze your sentence at the date of your last recorded entry. Your sixty days will continue counting down when you begin posting again. We hope that this will provide you with more incentive to resume writing.
Thank you for taking the time to explain your circumstances, and we look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Content Generation Team
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thin Ice
Blogger Guidelines Initial Violation
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 10, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/10/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
PRN-A2679: User has uploaded and linked to one or more photographs incorporating animated images of partial nudity.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. As our records indicate that this is your first violation, you have been issued a warning that will remain on your account for sixty days starting from the date of the initial violation. If three violations are accumulated within the validity period of the initial warning, your account will be put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blogger Guidelines Second Violation and High Alert Notification
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 14, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/14/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
ADV-F2894: User has hyperlinked to a website known or suspected to include advertisements or links leading to subsequent websites utilizing indirect coercion methods to entice readers into purchasing one or more products.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. Our records indicate that this is your second violation, which means that your account has been placed on High Alert Status. Your account will remain on High Alert for ninety days starting from the date of the initial violation. Any further violations will result in your account being put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
We strongly recommend that you make an effort to comply with Erochikan’s User Guidelines, which have been enacted for the benefit of you and your readers.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 10, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/10/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
PRN-A2679: User has uploaded and linked to one or more photographs incorporating animated images of partial nudity.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. As our records indicate that this is your first violation, you have been issued a warning that will remain on your account for sixty days starting from the date of the initial violation. If three violations are accumulated within the validity period of the initial warning, your account will be put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blogger Guidelines Second Violation and High Alert Notification
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: May 14, 2010
Dear Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your continued support of the Erochikan Corporation’s new and improved Blogger service. Our Quality Control Tracking Program has indicated that your entry dated 5/14/2010 is in violation of one or more of Erochikan’s User Guidelines:
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
See below for a more detailed summary of the above violation(s):
ADV-F2894: User has hyperlinked to a website known or suspected to include advertisements or links leading to subsequent websites utilizing indirect coercion methods to entice readers into purchasing one or more products.
In accordance with Blogger policy, the violations in question have been deleted to rectify the situation. Our records indicate that this is your second violation, which means that your account has been placed on High Alert Status. Your account will remain on High Alert for ninety days starting from the date of the initial violation. Any further violations will result in your account being put on probation and your entries personally monitored for High-Quality Content by members of Erochikan’s Quality Control Team in order to ensure future compliance.
We strongly recommend that you make an effort to comply with Erochikan’s User Guidelines, which have been enacted for the benefit of you and your readers.
Thank you again for your observance of the Erochikan’s User Guidelines. Your efforts help create a more worthwhile, enjoyable online experience for everyone.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sumo
Sumo was observed by us this past weekend at a large stadium in Tokyo filled to maximum capacity. If you’ve never seen Japanese sumo wrestling, don’t feel bad, since most Japanese people haven’t either. Like many of the country’s traditional arts, sumo has been relegated to a kind of novelty status outside people’s everyday life. That didn’t make me any less inclined to see it, however.
Sumo is held every few months in different parts of the country during massive daylong tournaments with dozens of matches. Each match lasts anywhere between ten seconds and three minutes, though the bulk of the time is spent in elaborate psych-out ceremonies before each match. An elaborate routine of shifting their weight to one foot, throwing salt into the ring for purification, bending down, and staring into each other’s eyes is adhered to by the wrestlers (see top photo), and the match begins when both feel ready. This loose system of commencement ran afoul several times when one wrestler flew forward before his opponent was ready, and both immediately stepped back for several more minutes of psych out time.
The rules of sumo are simple. Unlike wrestling or boxing, there are no weight classes; instead, wrestlers are divided up by skill level. (My friends were not interested in watching ten hours of sumo, so we arrived only for the top matches in the last two hours.) After the aforementioned psych-out period, the actual match finally begins as the wrestlers struggle to either a)knock the other down, or a)shove the other out of the ring. Both methods were utilized for victory by numerous wrestlers. The winner received something I couldn’t see from the upper seats, and suddenly the next two wrestlers were in the ring psyching themselves up again.
Undoubtedly the funniest thing observed by me was the incorporation of advertising into a tournament otherwise made out to be traditionally Japanese. Every few matches (more often as completion was neared) a line of men carrying advertising banners would climb the steps into the ring and exhibit their wares for the consideration of the audience. Most of the ads were written in Japanese, but one of them featured a very modern-looking McDonalds logo. Hardly contemporary to Edo Japan, but justifiable considering those advertising slots probably cost a lot of money.
A good time was certainly had by all on this outing. I wish I’d gotten to take more photos (which would probably give me more to talk about in this blog entry), but most of my match photos didn’t come out well and my photos of wrestlers outside the arena were pretty lame. I would like to have researched this entry more thoroughly, but I needed to finish it before my deadline. With my limited knowledge, it’s kind of hard to think of things to say about sumo. I definitely recommend it though. Itterasshai.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Sleight of Hand
Though this blog exhibits little political commentary, manipulation of language in the media is an issue felt strongly about by me. It is said that writers (myself included) have the capacity for twisting language to express their points; and it is essential that the general public be aware of how they’re being coerced to believe one truth over another. With that goal in mind, we may better incorporate more high-quality verisimilitude. This is the fourth sentence of the first paragraph.
A particularly blatant instance was observed by me in David Frum’s article Wall Street Didn’t Cause Crash of ’08. I suggest this be given at least a light skimming before proceeding further. (Pauses in hopes that readers are actually inclined to read the article, even though they probably won’t.) I won’t discuss Frum’s main point; I’m interested in how he provokes the reader to accept his own hypothesis over other theories explaining the crash.
Scroll down to the fourth paragraph. (Pauses again with the objective that this will actually be done by the reader.) Here, Frum addresses a common explanation for excessive American debt before the crash:
He opens with the phrase: “Some like to tell a story;” which strongly implies both the uncertainty and incredulity of what follows. This explanation thus becomes a kind of mythic folklore lacking legitimate grounds. And Frum goes on to use goofy, exaggerated language that distances the reader from that very legend. “Flat-screen doodad” evokes a ridiculous, wasteful image of the modern technology enjoyed by millions of Americans, while “McMansions” creates a cartoonish, materialistic view of middle-class suburbs. “Yuppie” is another loaded word used chiefly to portray Americans as greedy; and as if this weren’t negative enough, Frum intensifies it by utilizing “self-involved” as a modifier. All this hyperbole in a single sentence; and nothing in the article comes close to matching it. As if that weren’t enough, he follows by admitting that “Maybe that describes some people.” Thus, he acknowledges that some Americans were irresponsible while simultaneously discouraging the reader from accepting this hypothesis as truth. Now, cut to a thoughtful, easy-to-read, statistic-filled explanation for why the crash really happened, and Frum’s illusion is complete.
It’s silly to adhere to the belief that only one factor caused the ’08 crash. To truly understand it, one must consider hundreds of different phenomena, not blindly accept one bipartisan explanation. Whenever you read—especially news articles—be wary of which facts writers want you to ignore to give their own opinion more credibility. I direct interested readers toward [The following link leads to an nonsecure website. It has been blocked by the Erochikan Quality Control Team and the blogger issued a warning] for more info. I also hope it’s clear that the blockquote is part of paragraph three; otherwise I could be in trouble again. Itterasshai.
A particularly blatant instance was observed by me in David Frum’s article Wall Street Didn’t Cause Crash of ’08. I suggest this be given at least a light skimming before proceeding further. (Pauses in hopes that readers are actually inclined to read the article, even though they probably won’t.) I won’t discuss Frum’s main point; I’m interested in how he provokes the reader to accept his own hypothesis over other theories explaining the crash.
Scroll down to the fourth paragraph. (Pauses again with the objective that this will actually be done by the reader.) Here, Frum addresses a common explanation for excessive American debt before the crash:
Some like to tell a story of irresponsibility: We borrowed too much because we were self-involved yuppies who just could not deny ourselves the latest flat-screen doodad for our McMansions.
He opens with the phrase: “Some like to tell a story;” which strongly implies both the uncertainty and incredulity of what follows. This explanation thus becomes a kind of mythic folklore lacking legitimate grounds. And Frum goes on to use goofy, exaggerated language that distances the reader from that very legend. “Flat-screen doodad” evokes a ridiculous, wasteful image of the modern technology enjoyed by millions of Americans, while “McMansions” creates a cartoonish, materialistic view of middle-class suburbs. “Yuppie” is another loaded word used chiefly to portray Americans as greedy; and as if this weren’t negative enough, Frum intensifies it by utilizing “self-involved” as a modifier. All this hyperbole in a single sentence; and nothing in the article comes close to matching it. As if that weren’t enough, he follows by admitting that “Maybe that describes some people.” Thus, he acknowledges that some Americans were irresponsible while simultaneously discouraging the reader from accepting this hypothesis as truth. Now, cut to a thoughtful, easy-to-read, statistic-filled explanation for why the crash really happened, and Frum’s illusion is complete.
It’s silly to adhere to the belief that only one factor caused the ’08 crash. To truly understand it, one must consider hundreds of different phenomena, not blindly accept one bipartisan explanation. Whenever you read—especially news articles—be wary of which facts writers want you to ignore to give their own opinion more credibility. I direct interested readers toward [The following link leads to an nonsecure website. It has been blocked by the Erochikan Quality Control Team and the blogger issued a warning] for more info. I also hope it’s clear that the blockquote is part of paragraph three; otherwise I could be in trouble again. Itterasshai.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Nagoya
This past Golden Week I headed west to Nagoya with the objective of seeing numerous museums and enjoying myself thoroughly. If you’ve never heard of Nagoya, don’t feel bad. Though it’s Japan’s fourth largest city, it’s not much of a tourist destination. There’s nothing special about the city really; its capacity for culture is low, and it’s mostly known for its regional foods: misokatsu (fried pork breaded with miso), tebasaki (fried chicken wings), and hitsumabushi (I’m not sure what this is because the line outside the restaurant was too long, and we were unable to achieve entrance).
Nagoya, however, is widely known as the birthplace of the Toyota Corporation. The company was started as a producer of high-quality looms and many cars are now manufactured by it. I took a shiny new commuter train out to the sun-bleached suburbs to see the Toyota Automobile Museum, which incorporates Japanese, American, European cars into its exhibitions. Most of the Japanese cars exhibited were post-WWII, as most of the pre-war cars were scrapped due to wartime metal shortages. One of the few pre-war Japanese cars at the museum, a Toyota model utilized by top military commanders, is pictured above.
The way in which people were dressed was observed by me to be the biggest difference between Nagoya and other parts of Japan. Whereas Yamanashi’s fashion-conscious population is inclined to dress mainly in darker, subtle tones; and fashions of all kinds abound in Tokyo and Osaka; Nagoya fashion was commensurate mainly to American teenage Hot Topic style. Poor English could naturally be seen on these shirts. Everyone wore those ridiculous white shirts with black script that I abhor, and bright colors mixed with subdued ones. And of course, there were the Crocs. Hundreds and hundreds of Crocs.
The utter stupidity of American hyper-consumerist fashion seems to have been embraced wholeheartedly by Nagoya. The fashion gave the city a very suburban feel (hip-hop looks were also embraced by many, including some infant children), and brought back unpleasant memories of American shopping malls. I wanted to tell all of them to diversify, but instead I saw them as an interesting curiosity. I also saw more tattoo parlors in Nagoya than I have anywhere else in Japan, and many people boldly displayed their arm and back tattoos in public; a very Western thing to do.
This image has been removed by the Erochikan Quality Control Team because of pornographic or otherwise objectionable content and its owner been issued a warning.
That’s not to say Nagoya is like a walk through suburban New Jersey. As the above photo indicates, they have their share of geeky manga cafes and scantily clad women posted outside their pachinko parlors. Outside my men-only capsule hotel I was also assaulted by several employees of girl bars providing suggestive tissue packets to passersby, and the same pink-light strip clubs were also walked hurriedly past by me. Said capsule hotel was also utilized by a transvestite in a blond wig, but that’s a story for another day. Itterasshai.
Nagoya, however, is widely known as the birthplace of the Toyota Corporation. The company was started as a producer of high-quality looms and many cars are now manufactured by it. I took a shiny new commuter train out to the sun-bleached suburbs to see the Toyota Automobile Museum, which incorporates Japanese, American, European cars into its exhibitions. Most of the Japanese cars exhibited were post-WWII, as most of the pre-war cars were scrapped due to wartime metal shortages. One of the few pre-war Japanese cars at the museum, a Toyota model utilized by top military commanders, is pictured above.
The way in which people were dressed was observed by me to be the biggest difference between Nagoya and other parts of Japan. Whereas Yamanashi’s fashion-conscious population is inclined to dress mainly in darker, subtle tones; and fashions of all kinds abound in Tokyo and Osaka; Nagoya fashion was commensurate mainly to American teenage Hot Topic style. Poor English could naturally be seen on these shirts. Everyone wore those ridiculous white shirts with black script that I abhor, and bright colors mixed with subdued ones. And of course, there were the Crocs. Hundreds and hundreds of Crocs.
The utter stupidity of American hyper-consumerist fashion seems to have been embraced wholeheartedly by Nagoya. The fashion gave the city a very suburban feel (hip-hop looks were also embraced by many, including some infant children), and brought back unpleasant memories of American shopping malls. I wanted to tell all of them to diversify, but instead I saw them as an interesting curiosity. I also saw more tattoo parlors in Nagoya than I have anywhere else in Japan, and many people boldly displayed their arm and back tattoos in public; a very Western thing to do.
This image has been removed by the Erochikan Quality Control Team because of pornographic or otherwise objectionable content and its owner been issued a warning.
That’s not to say Nagoya is like a walk through suburban New Jersey. As the above photo indicates, they have their share of geeky manga cafes and scantily clad women posted outside their pachinko parlors. Outside my men-only capsule hotel I was also assaulted by several employees of girl bars providing suggestive tissue packets to passersby, and the same pink-light strip clubs were also walked hurriedly past by me. Said capsule hotel was also utilized by a transvestite in a blond wig, but that’s a story for another day. Itterasshai.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Corporate Takeover
New User Guidelines
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: All Blogger Users
Sent: April 27, 2010
Notice to all Blogger Users,
As most of you already know, Blogger.com was recently acquired by the Erochikan Corporation as part of an exchange with Google. Our company is of course committed to providing the same levels of quality, service, and innovation that users received under the previous administration, and we hope to make this transition as seamless as possible.
One of our goals is to provide internet readers with high-quality blogs delivering a variety of information that users can enjoy at their convenience. In past years, however, Blogger has become a haven for questionable content; including but not limited to:
- Phishing schemes
- Spam advertising
- Pornographic matter
- Narcissistic rants
- Egregious spelling errors
- Fan fiction
Currently, we have employees working round the clock checking individual blogs and categorically deleting those that contain any of the above infractions.
In order to prevent an overrun of objectionable content and to ensure that the quality of blogs remains high, we have taken steps to guide writers in creating the best possible content for the reading public. With this in mind, we have assembled a set of Guidelines to which all Blogger users are to adhere if they wish to retain unrestricted use of their accounts:
1. All Blogger users are reminded that they are now a part of the Erochikan Corporation, and must refrain from posting any opinions that may be considered damaging to Erochikan or its subsidiary companies.
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
4. Use of trademarked characters for the purposes of user-created fiction is prohibited.
5. All users are to abide by the rules of American English grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
6. Users are prohibited from utilizing commonly-used online acronyms, including but not limited to such examples as LOL, TTYL, LMAO, ROFLMAO, etc.
7. All users are expected to create a one- to three- word “sign-off message” (e.g. Farewell, Peace out, Shalom) with which to utilize as a closing to all of their entries.
8. All entries are to be exactly five paragraphs in length. A paragraph is defined as a distinct portion of written matter beginning on a new line and lasting at least four sentences.
9. All blog entries are to contain at least one, but not more than five, pictures; original or acquired from an outside source.
10. Users are forbidden from incorporating obscure references to songs, movies, TV shows, books, or other media content within the titles or bodies of their posts.
11. All entries are to contain at least five sentences written using the passive voice.
12. All users are expected to utilize at least eight of the following words in their posts:
achieve, acquire, adhere, appropriate, assemble, capacity, categorical, commensurate, commit, consideration, contemporary, counter, diversify, express, exhibit (v), goal, high-quality, inclined, incorporate, inhibit, justifiable, justify, objective, provide, recipient, rectify, regarding, standardize, usage, utilize.
13. To ease the onslaught of information during hours of peak Internet usage, all Blogger users have been randomly assigned two weekly posting times, and shall observe these times when posting new entries. Your randomly assigned times are 6:04 AM Monday and 11:47 AM Thursday, Eastern Standard Time.
14. All entries must be exactly 478 words in length.
These Guidelines shall take effect as of your first scheduled posting time after May 1st. After said scheduled posting time, any entry not in accordance with the above regulations will be deleted and the account user given a warning. Repeated warnings will result in account suspension.
We are excited about the positive effects the Guidelines are sure to bring, and look forward to providing more high-quality content for all internet users.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 29, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your e-mail, and we appreciate your taking the time to read through and share with us your opinion regarding the Guidelines. As it appears that you have many concerns, allow me to address them individually.
First, the 478 word count was not at all random, as you imply. Through extensive customer surveys, we’ve discovered that most users grow bored reading lengthy entries and move instead to other websites. Likewise, entries which are too short are commonly described as uninformative or immature. At present, the attention span of the average internet user is 478 words, which our team found more than adequate to develop most topics. If you wish to address a topic which you feel requires more space, consider choosing something simpler that everyone can enjoy. Similarly, the five paragraph rule will help users to better organize their thoughts in a cohesive fashion, instead of using one long, difficult to read paragraph or leaping erratically from one line to the next.
Secondly, both the required vocabulary list and the passive voice requirement were incorporated to aid writers in producing more professional, dignified entries that would appeal to a more sophisticated readership. We want to help users build their vocabularies, and the easiest way to do that is to help bloggers use more advanced words, right?
We also understand your argument that literary and pop culture references can add humor and a personal touch to writing, but we’ve found that these references frustrate some readers. These readers often feel inferior or ignorant when faced with repeated references they don’t understand, and soon move on to more straightforward, no-nonsense blogs. Why go through all the trouble of making an obscure reference when only a select few will understand it?
Repeated surveying has also revealed that readers are more likely to follow a blog with a memorable sign-off logo than one that doesn’t. Since our goal is to attract more readers (which in turn leads to more advertising revenue), we suggest you come up with something catchy.
Finally, contrary to the argument presented in your e-mail, the random posting assignments actually serve a great purpose. By staggering the time at which bloggers post new entries, we’ve ensured that all users will constantly have access to new information even at odd hours or on holidays, making Blogger more convenient for everyone. In fact, you do not even need to worry about this rule because any entries you attempt to post at an alternate time will be delayed until your next scheduled posting time.
Most users have welcomed the new Guidelines, and found that the changes have aided them in producing higher quality work. We know they may seem strict, but we’re sure you’ll find them more conducive to constructing higher-quality blog entries.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Re: RE: Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 30, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you again for taking the time to share your opinion regarding our response. These matters are not under discussion, and we again encourage you to give the Guidelines a try. Frankly, we find your perspective arrogant; for who are you to claim that you know better than our highly-trained, experienced researchers? You are a part of the Erochikan Blogger Corporation now, and we must all learn to work together to achieve the best possible outcome for the company.
We would also like to take this opportunity to thank you again, because your previous e-mail reminded us that adding a ban on profanity to the Regulations List will help make Blogger more enjoyable for younger users and those easily offended by crass language. All users will be receiving an updated version of the Regulations soon.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: All Blogger Users
Sent: April 27, 2010
Notice to all Blogger Users,
As most of you already know, Blogger.com was recently acquired by the Erochikan Corporation as part of an exchange with Google. Our company is of course committed to providing the same levels of quality, service, and innovation that users received under the previous administration, and we hope to make this transition as seamless as possible.
One of our goals is to provide internet readers with high-quality blogs delivering a variety of information that users can enjoy at their convenience. In past years, however, Blogger has become a haven for questionable content; including but not limited to:
- Phishing schemes
- Spam advertising
- Pornographic matter
- Narcissistic rants
- Egregious spelling errors
- Fan fiction
Currently, we have employees working round the clock checking individual blogs and categorically deleting those that contain any of the above infractions.
In order to prevent an overrun of objectionable content and to ensure that the quality of blogs remains high, we have taken steps to guide writers in creating the best possible content for the reading public. With this in mind, we have assembled a set of Guidelines to which all Blogger users are to adhere if they wish to retain unrestricted use of their accounts:
1. All Blogger users are reminded that they are now a part of the Erochikan Corporation, and must refrain from posting any opinions that may be considered damaging to Erochikan or its subsidiary companies.
2. All users are prohibited from posting pornographic content.
3. Blog entries and comment fields are not to contain links to any website advertising a product or service.
4. Use of trademarked characters for the purposes of user-created fiction is prohibited.
5. All users are to abide by the rules of American English grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
6. Users are prohibited from utilizing commonly-used online acronyms, including but not limited to such examples as LOL, TTYL, LMAO, ROFLMAO, etc.
7. All users are expected to create a one- to three- word “sign-off message” (e.g. Farewell, Peace out, Shalom) with which to utilize as a closing to all of their entries.
8. All entries are to be exactly five paragraphs in length. A paragraph is defined as a distinct portion of written matter beginning on a new line and lasting at least four sentences.
9. All blog entries are to contain at least one, but not more than five, pictures; original or acquired from an outside source.
10. Users are forbidden from incorporating obscure references to songs, movies, TV shows, books, or other media content within the titles or bodies of their posts.
11. All entries are to contain at least five sentences written using the passive voice.
12. All users are expected to utilize at least eight of the following words in their posts:
achieve, acquire, adhere, appropriate, assemble, capacity, categorical, commensurate, commit, consideration, contemporary, counter, diversify, express, exhibit (v), goal, high-quality, inclined, incorporate, inhibit, justifiable, justify, objective, provide, recipient, rectify, regarding, standardize, usage, utilize.
13. To ease the onslaught of information during hours of peak Internet usage, all Blogger users have been randomly assigned two weekly posting times, and shall observe these times when posting new entries. Your randomly assigned times are 6:04 AM Monday and 11:47 AM Thursday, Eastern Standard Time.
14. All entries must be exactly 478 words in length.
These Guidelines shall take effect as of your first scheduled posting time after May 1st. After said scheduled posting time, any entry not in accordance with the above regulations will be deleted and the account user given a warning. Repeated warnings will result in account suspension.
We are excited about the positive effects the Guidelines are sure to bring, and look forward to providing more high-quality content for all internet users.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 29, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you for your e-mail, and we appreciate your taking the time to read through and share with us your opinion regarding the Guidelines. As it appears that you have many concerns, allow me to address them individually.
First, the 478 word count was not at all random, as you imply. Through extensive customer surveys, we’ve discovered that most users grow bored reading lengthy entries and move instead to other websites. Likewise, entries which are too short are commonly described as uninformative or immature. At present, the attention span of the average internet user is 478 words, which our team found more than adequate to develop most topics. If you wish to address a topic which you feel requires more space, consider choosing something simpler that everyone can enjoy. Similarly, the five paragraph rule will help users to better organize their thoughts in a cohesive fashion, instead of using one long, difficult to read paragraph or leaping erratically from one line to the next.
Secondly, both the required vocabulary list and the passive voice requirement were incorporated to aid writers in producing more professional, dignified entries that would appeal to a more sophisticated readership. We want to help users build their vocabularies, and the easiest way to do that is to help bloggers use more advanced words, right?
We also understand your argument that literary and pop culture references can add humor and a personal touch to writing, but we’ve found that these references frustrate some readers. These readers often feel inferior or ignorant when faced with repeated references they don’t understand, and soon move on to more straightforward, no-nonsense blogs. Why go through all the trouble of making an obscure reference when only a select few will understand it?
Repeated surveying has also revealed that readers are more likely to follow a blog with a memorable sign-off logo than one that doesn’t. Since our goal is to attract more readers (which in turn leads to more advertising revenue), we suggest you come up with something catchy.
Finally, contrary to the argument presented in your e-mail, the random posting assignments actually serve a great purpose. By staggering the time at which bloggers post new entries, we’ve ensured that all users will constantly have access to new information even at odd hours or on holidays, making Blogger more convenient for everyone. In fact, you do not even need to worry about this rule because any entries you attempt to post at an alternate time will be delayed until your next scheduled posting time.
Most users have welcomed the new Guidelines, and found that the changes have aided them in producing higher quality work. We know they may seem strict, but we’re sure you’ll find them more conducive to constructing higher-quality blog entries.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
Re: RE: Quality Control Response #2789FDE569-K
From: quality_control@erochikan.com
To: Ian Rogers
Sent: April 30, 2010
Mr. Rogers,
Thank you again for taking the time to share your opinion regarding our response. These matters are not under discussion, and we again encourage you to give the Guidelines a try. Frankly, we find your perspective arrogant; for who are you to claim that you know better than our highly-trained, experienced researchers? You are a part of the Erochikan Blogger Corporation now, and we must all learn to work together to achieve the best possible outcome for the company.
We would also like to take this opportunity to thank you again, because your previous e-mail reminded us that adding a ban on profanity to the Regulations List will help make Blogger more enjoyable for younger users and those easily offended by crass language. All users will be receiving an updated version of the Regulations soon.
Sincerely,
The Erochikan Blogger Quality Control Team
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